“The caged bird sings with a fearful trill, of things unknown but longed for still, and his tune is heard on the distant hill, for the caged bird sings of freedom.” — Maya Angelou
Here Me Out…
A fictional narrative as “Cher Horowitz” from the 1995 film CLUELESS. Cher is living in August 2020, in the heat of the Covid pandemic.
By KRISTA LEA
Ok, so you’re probably goin like, is this another pandemic article or what? But actually, this is a way different one. So please here me out ok? I had a totally normal life before the pandemic. I had a stable job, and I got to paint. I love concerts, brunch, and my precious pup. We are both small, mischievous, and we look good in black. Her name is Wednesday, just like the middle of the week, and Christina Ricci from the Addams Family. I used to ski a whole lot but ewe, the traffic!? As if!
My dream is to be a Georgia O’Keefe (isn’t she classic?). All these numbers left me feeling super bored. After work I would paint until I fell asleep. Sure, I was sleep deprived, but is it not truly American and totally normal to work 60 hours a week? I had been saving tons of money and felt decently responsible, but there was something still plaguing me. I felt a dark cloud looming over me. I learned more about spiritual disciplines. I want hair like a mermaid and beautiful skin, so I splurged on collagen supplements and skin care. My mom was alone, and her happiness means a lot to me. So I set her up with my friend! I had to give myself snaps for self-care and helping others find love. I wanted to do more good deeds. Duh! I’ll buy a gallery and sell other people’s art!
Then the pandemic hit. I couldn’t buy the gallery and I wasn’t happy. I can’t believe I was so capricious about it. I could barely find two shoes that matched. How could I run a business?? What was happening? It was like some sort of alternate universe. On top of all that, my sisters and I got into a huge fight. It was like, everything I think and everything I do is wrong.
Suddenly it hit me. I was clueless. I have been trying too hard. I was living for the future and competing with the past. The pandemic is so scary, especially when you care about people. All this time I thought I was anti-social. But feeling so scared for everyone, I realized I was an empath trying to protect myself. Not only that, but I was avoiding going to therapy and the grocery. I’m not a good driver and never had enough sick time. Now I can be remote! I felt like such a bone head. All this time I thought I was fixing everyone, but I was totally buggin. So TODAY my focus is the silver lining. I am introverted, AND I chipped my front tooth. Now I love wearing a mask! I give Wednesday more eye contact. I learned how to smile with my eyes. I started dancing inside, painting more, and now I am a writer! And in conclusion, let me please remind you, I know how to spell. I just want to be HERE now. Thank you!
Written – August 25, 2020
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